1998 called. They want their Canucks back.

Don't know who this is? Don't worry. Steve Washburn doesn't even remember playing for us.

Darby Hendrickson. Steve Washburn. Harry York. Brandon Convery. Bert Robertsson. Mark Messier. Those are just some of the names of the Canucks who played for our 1998-1999 team. One of the worst Canuck teams of all times. These are a bunch of forgetable players who we had to rely upon to get us into the playoffs, and to win us a Stanley Cup. Not surprisingly, they failed more times than Mark Messier pretending to be straight at a strip club. Zing. Yes, I still hate you Messier. I always will.

Canucks take a giant dump on my face. Twice.

Yup. This works.

Sigh. How times have changed. One week ago we were on top of the world. The Canadian dollar was on par with the American dollar. I had done some laundry. And I got a couple of a goals in ball hockey. Life was so good. And now? Well now I have laundry to do, I hit the post twice at hockey, and the dollar is no longer on par. And to top it off, the Canucks are doing their usual first half tailspin that seems to happen every year. The kind of drop in play that leaves the Canucks bleeding out points left and right. It's only November we say, it's all good. But it's not. It's not a good idea to drop games to teams we shouldn't be losing to. It just means we will have to watch the Canucks do another usual hard finish to the season to ensure they make the playoffs. God damnit Vancouver. Every year I believe you've changed only to find out you're still drinking and don't have a job yet. Why? Why do I let myself believe you every year?? You'll never change! *sob*

Anyways, I did a live action blog of the Chicago game, so I will post that, and then I will go over the Phoenix game, which I just finished watching. On my VCR. Never has the fast forward button been so useful.

Chicago vs Vancouver

6:55 - Getting ready for the game. Beer, check. Canuck hat, check. Texting everyone I know to tell them not to ruin the results of the UFC PPV for me, check.

Vancouver VS Toronto

Remember this Toronto? We sure do.

When: 4:00 pm Saturday the 13th

Where: Centre of the Universe, Toronto

Why: Toronto fans wanted to see a team with real centers

Ah Toronto. Our games against you used to be so much fun back in the late 90's, early 2000's. Back then, you actually had a good team. Back then, you could actually beat us, and did so many a time. Back then, your fans used to show up at GM Place and annoy the hell out of us with your loud cheering.

A tale of two games; Catching up on the road trip

(Would you like some pancakes?)

Two for the price of one! Yes sir, step right up, do I have a deal for you. Sorry about missing my game recaps, real life cares not about my blog, so sometimes I won't be able to get them up on time. So today I offer you a bonus 2 for 1 special, I will go over both games and talk about the road trip so far. If all goes well, I will even have a Toronto game preview up later. Yesssss. Alas, I do not have a TSN title today. If I did, it would probably involve the term Double Trouble or When Doves Cry.

Put your sticks in the middle boys

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=340505



The NHL is debating having the All-Star teams be 'drafted' by the captains of the All-Star game (From what I understand the starting line ups would be selected by the fans, then the hockey operations department would pick a pool of players for the rest of the all-star slots, then the captains would pick out the teams.)

I thought of doing a mock article about this in someway, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, this idea is just far too cool. I am on board with this and I hope they go through with it.

While I would honestly get a kick out of watching Henrik and Sidney going to center ice and tossing sticks from a pile left and right at the All-Star game, the NHL could get some easy media exposure by having the captains either select the teams on TV (yay source of revenue) or have an on ice event at the skills contest where before they start, the captains choose the team, do the skills contest, then next day, play the all-star game.

Honestly, the all-star game is boring as ****, so it's nice to see the NHL actually do something smart here to liven it up a bit. Aside from having the Stanley Cup champion take on the league all-stars (with the amount of money involved in todays game we will never see that, could you imagine a 4th liner playing against league all-stars, just running around trying to take off heads in a meaningless game?), this idea is at least on par with the SC Champs vs All-Stars idea. This not only connects the NHL to its fans (because who hasn't lined up and picked or been picked for a team when you were young? Unless you're the kid they always picked last. Then this could be a potential nightmare scenario for you as you re-live your failed childhood. I was always picked first or second, I don't understand your pain.....), but it also makes the game more interesting as we could potentially have some interesting lineups take place, rather than just the usual East vs West lineups.

In the end, let's face it. The All-Star game is nothing more than a glorified game of shinny. We will never be able to make it that interesting because real hockey, true hockey, that requires some intensity. Something an All-Star game will never have, now that Jeremy Roenick is no longer around to throw the one body check per all-star game that he used to do. So to the people who claim that this is just a gimmick, or that the captains will have a bias in picking, oh well. The entire game is a gimmick, so we might as well spruce it up a bit. It's like if we had a circus, why bring out just the clowns? We might as well bring out the flaming elephants while we're at it. Remember, bringing out the gimmicks brought us this:

Think about it, when was the last time you were really excited about an All-Star game? You never go to an All-Star game thinking "Oh man, I can't wait for slowed down NHL hockey, a game that lacks intensity, has no hitting, no defence, and we play a goal horn no matter who scores!!!". No. You go into an All-Star game thinking, maybe not consciously, but sub-consciously, you are thinking "Oh man, Ovechkin is going to deke out 5 guys, put Crosby through the glass (who cares if he is on the same team, you can't stop All-Star Ovie!), soccer kick Luongo in the face, then elbow out two of Henriks teeth before moonwalking in all alone on Kipper and scoring a goal with his face." You are expecting amazing things. What usually ends up happening is Chris Pronger scores on a wrist shot that gets tipped in by an unguarded Stamkos and we are forced to politely applaud their efficient if not boring goal.

This is why for a game desperate for personality, I think we can afford to let the All-Star game get a bit out of hand. Besides, could you imagine the articles that would be written if Henrik had to pick teams and he didn't choose Daniel? That sort of thing would keep the Vancouver media in business for months.

Canucks looking to beat Montreal in a whimsical way #IHadNoTSNTitleDamnit

Red Light Racicot remains the best nickname in the history of hockey.

When: 4:30 pm

Where: Rogers Sportsnet

Why: Because Eastern fans want to see what real hockey looks like

Vancouver vs Montreal. This will be a shorter post because I have real work to do. As much as it saddens me to let everyone know, I do not in fact get paid for this blog, and in fact, I have to make money through a different source. Pimping ain't easy!...

...

I'm sorry, I'll never do that again.

So, what do we need to know about this game? Well first off, the Canucks are on a 6 game win streak, and actually managed to win 2 road games recently. And as of late, the Canucks have done quite well on their Eastern road trips, meaning the Canucks technically should do pretty well on this trip. Add into this that Luongo always seems to show up against Montreal, and we should have a recipe for easy success.

Which of course means the Canucks will fail miserably. They have to. I just wouldn't understand a Canuck team that would go out and dominate on this road trip. It would mean we were off to a decent start, the October blips aside, probably one of our best starts to a season of all time. Now I know November is usually "GO TIME" for Vancouver, but it's still wierd to see Vancouver winning these games based on the strength of our 3rd line scoring, the Sedins scoring at least once a game, and having no help from our 2nd line at all. It's odd to see our team not fully in the zone managing to put together such a winning streak.

So I shall be watching this Eastern trip very attentively, as I am excited to see if the Canucks fail horribly, or if they somehow exceed expectations, something that happens once every 12 years or so.

I couldn't think of a better picture, and I just NOW finished watching Lost, and the series finale was god awful. So I chose to rant about it here. Lost series finale, **** you.

Storylines of the Game

-Carey Price vs Roberto Luongo. Luongo always seems to enjoy playing well in Montreal (All French Canadiens seem to be deeply insulted that Montreal didn't draft them, so in return, they play their best hockey against Montreal) and the ongoing show of Halak vs Price will always be going on in the background, so this should be a fun matchup to watch. Will we see fat, smoking, drinking and partying Carey Price beat crying, angry, depressed Roberto Luongo? I give the edge to Luongo in this one, due to the angry french Canadien factor. For some reason BC players don't really give a crap about playing the Canucks, so Price has nothing extra to motivate him.

Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez, and Mike Cammalleri.

'They taste Blue' notes Andrew Alberts.-The Smurfs vs Andrew 'A-Train' Alberts. I will be running a 'Smurf Kill Count' on tonights game to see how many Montreal Smurfs Andrew Alberts kills in tonights game. Montreal's love of having forwards under 5"10 should make this a fun game to watch as AA wanders all over the ice in an effort to quell his 'unending desire for human blood'. True quote.

Rick Rypien "Gretzkys" Hal Gill. In the face! In. the. faaaaaace.

- Hal Gill is 6"7. Rick Rypien is 5"11. Rick Rypien beat up Hal Gill in Vancouver. I don't care if Gill isn't much of a fighter. I don't care if this fight is over-glorified by Canuck fans. The fact remains nothing is more amusing then watching a small dude beat the crap out of some big dude. I am excited to see if these two go at it again tonight. Watch their first fight if you missed it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XxMmYvarCg

- Bieberts vs Montreal. This isn't really a match up, I just really really enjoy calling Bieksa and Alberts 'Bieberts'.

-Though speaking of which, Hamhuis is back in the lineup, albeit on the bottom pairing. How will he do playing with Ballard you ask?

-I HAVE NO IDEA. We are scratching Ballard and playing Rome over him. WHAT THE F***. Seriously, sometimes AV does the weirdest freaking things with his roster. His unquestionable man love for Rick Rypien leading the charge on that one. But without a doubt, this is one of the odder ones I have seen. Scratching our 4.2 million dollar d-man who is trying to get back into game shape, yes, lets put in Aaron Rome and let Ballard have more time away from game time. Yep, makes perfect sense to me. Who cares if Ballard has been a top 4 d-man his whole career, who cares if his ceiling is way higher than Rome's, who cares if Rome playing 'ok' is condsidered vital to our lineup over letting Ballard find his groove.....

*****. *****. Dislike. I dislike greatly.

This is vexing. I am terribly vexed.

-Henrik Sedin's salary vs Scott Gomez's salary. Gomez makes 7.3 million dollars. Henrik makes 6.1 million dollars. While I give credit to Gomez for having a kick ass nickname ('The Glove'), a nickname probably isn't worth an extra 1.2 million dollars more than the reigning Hart trophy winner. Thank god none of our contracts were ever handled by Glen Sather.

-Alain Vigneault's smug look vs Jacques Martin's smug look. Homerism aside, AV wins this one hands down I think.

Smarm! Smarm!

Alright folks, that's it, see you tomorrow!

Canucks Soar Over Wings #Tsntitle

Bette Midler

Because she had a song lyric that said she could fly higher than an eagle? And the Canucks flew by the Wings? Am I reaching too hard here? Probably. But how often do you get a chance to use a Bette Midler picture on your hockey blog. Not often enough I say.

Random Stuff Before I Break Down the Game:

OK so this is the part where I ramble before I get to the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the game. But before I get to that, I will first talk about the direction I will be taking the post-game posts I will be doing on my blog. The game previews, that is pretty easy, I ramble on about the team we are playing, add in some personal stories, some past history, and voila, off I go. If you are looking for tiny statistical details in your game preview ("Did you know that when Raffi Torres has 2 coffees in the morning, one with 2 sugars, one without, and he wears black socks, and eats frozen orange juice straight from the can, that he scores at a 2 point per game clip? Oh but ONLY if we're playing in the Eastern time zone and we've JUST come out of the Pacific time zone within the last 24 hours.") well then I leave that in the capable hands of all those number crunchers out there. While I like stats, I don't enjoy looking them up myself, nor do I like basing an outcome of a game on such stats. Why you ask? Because stats don't account for the Hockey Gods. And if there is one thing I know in life, it's that the Hockey Gods hate Vancouver with a passion. The basketball gods, well they gave us Big Country, so obviously it isn't just a one sport thing in this town.

Yep. This was the franchise center for the Grizzlies. I don't even need a joke here. Sigh.

So yes, the game day preview, I have that down pat. But what to do about the post-game stuff? Since this blog is for dedicated Canuck fans, and fans who sometimes don't have time to watch the game, I have a delicate balancing act to perform. On one hand, hardcore Canuck fans have already read everything there is to read about last night's win, they have read the papers, the online forums, they have cut their neighbours goat and looked through its entrails to further see what the future holds for the Canucks....they have basically engorged themselves on anything Canuck related. 

On the other hand, I have the Canuck fans who had to meet a friend, or had a party to go to, or had something...what are they called? Life responsibilities? Apparently those responsibilities supersede hockey to some people. Crazy. Anyways, these people don't have time or the desire to go through every Canuck medium out there to look over information and break down the Canucks games into the minute detail that I, and others will ("Do you think Bieksa's new jock strap affected his game? I swear his stride was .02 seconds off its usual pace. Here, let me break it down frame by frame....See how he grimaces there? I think that's the new jockstrap digging into Bieksa's 'little general'").  

So I have to decide what to write about to make both sides happy, all 13 of you. So I have decided to break down the post-game reviews into the usual Good, Bad, and Ugly, and then have the "Game Highlights" section where I will post YouTube clips, describe major events of the game, or toss up what the papers are talking about, just so you are in the loop. I will also have the "MSN Game Winning Goal" picture, which is an idea I have gleefully stolen from some messageboard, from back in the day (Possibly HF Boards? I have no idea. Regardless, the idea is awesome, so I am taking it.)

I will strive to not go into too much detail so you regardless of which fan you are, you can have a nice quick read about your Canucks, and then tell all your friends to read my blog. Or shake your head and tell yourself "I always told Wyatt he should have taken a trade skills course". Either or is fine with me.

And don't worry, it will be chock full of pictures. YAY!

Game Highlights

Why did I post a picture of Andrew Alberts dressed like videogame anti-hero Codename:47, the silent assassin? Because of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_zXj88usM8&feature=related

Or if you prefer the American commentary:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bhLZ-aFiOo

(I enjoy the American commentary on big hits. They are far more taken aback and shocked by them then Canadian announcers and plus they make funny comments like "He zigged when he should have zagged")

For those of you not paying attention, at some point during the summer Andrew Alberts turned into a good defenceman, one who is very very solid in the number 5 spot, but is currently playing in our top 4, and shockingly, playing alongside Bieksa (Yes, the Bieberts pairing) has managed to play pretty damn good.

So yes, last nights game was more of the same as Alberts has decided to light people up in anticipation of christmas, as he is laying people out at least once a game, which makes me very very giddy. Other highlights of the game included:

-Jimmy Howard vs Roberto Luongo trying to decide who could play worse. Howard won this game.

-Our PP continues to be a huge weapon in our arsenal, as even the 2nd PP unit is getting into the act now

-Edler and Ehrhoff continue to be our most important d-men on the year as they both logged 24 minutes plus on the night. Thank you Patrick White, thank you.

-Malholtra had 3 points on the night (2 goals and an assist, one of the goals was a shorthanded breakaway) and Torres and Hansen also chipped in a point a piece. This line has been our 2nd line on the season, as Kesler, Raymond and Samuelsson continue to struggle

-The 3rd period was probably the best period of Canucks hockey I have seen all year. For those of you who missed it, you missed playoff style excitement. The crowd was really into it.

-As for the papers, if you want to save your time reading them, this is what they are all talking about

"Good teams take over in the 3rd period"

"Canucks would have lost a game like this last year"

"Canucks showing maturity"

etc etc etc. Basically the same thing we say every year where we win a game against Detroit, then we go on to lose in the playoffs.

So yes, those were the highlights of the game. Basically the 3rd period was kick ass hockey that saw the Canucks lay the smack down on the tired Wings in the 3rd period.

MSN Game Winning Goal



As you can see, Edler scored the game on a point shot on the powerplay. As my drawing shows, Ryan Kesler provided the moral support Edler need to score the game winning goal, Daniel Sedin provided the screen, while Henrik Sedin cheered on from afar. Jimmy Howard, looking unusually concerned about the goal, had little chance on the shot. I have no idea what is going on with the Wings players face who is covering Kesler.

So. Good.

The Good

- The 3rd perod was a sight to behold. Actual entertaining hockey, who knew the Canucks had it in them? Sure glad I sold my tickets to this one. Sigh.

-Manny Malholtra had a huge game. TSN of course chose to run the headline 'Manny Being Manny', so congrats lasting all of one good Malholtra game before going to that one TSN. Malholtra has come a long way since being a failed first rounder who was supposed to bring immense offence, got his butt kicked by Hitchcock for a couple of years, and found his niche as a top end 3rd line center. If Manny can continue to add offence to his game, then his contract suddenly becomes a bargain

-Edler/Ehrhoff contine to play solid solid defence. Should be interesting to see what happens when Hamhuis comes back and where he slots in the lineup. Edler and Ehrhoff, I like them playing together, and Bieberts is playing well together, that would mean Hamhuis and Ballard could play together, but that would mean Ballard getting more than 12 minutes a game. I assume Hamhuis/Edler, Ehrhoff/Ballard, then Bieberts stays together, or if they really want, Ballard and Alberts play while Bieksa goes back to top 4 minutes.

So bad. So very very very bad. Painfully bad. Dan Cloutier bad.

The Bad

-Ballard. 12 minutes a game. Want him in game shape. Want him killing people. Want good Ballard.



-2nd line continues to be 'meh'. Glad Sammy got a goal but overall this line has been been pretty poor. Kesler looks good on the PP, but STILL cannot get in sync with Raymond and Sammy.

-Desbiens. I just wanted to mention his name.

-Luongo wasn't terrible, but he wasn't good and he wasn't ugly. So he gets put in the bad category. Still, a wins a win, but he did look awfully slow at times tonight. The goal that was off of a shot that bounced off the backboards and out in front, holy lord, if I had a 90 year old grandma I would use her in a joke to explain how slow Luongo looked on that play.

Really? 3D? Can this series just die already?



The Ugly

-Our 4th line. It feels like I should have a template ready to use for these post game breakdowns, they always stay the same....Once again our 4th line was on the ice for a goal against and shockingly they had no goals for. This 4th line needs to be fixed, they are statistically worse than last years 4th line, which I never thought was possible

-Our 4th line. Yes, it bears repeating!

-Our goal song. Holiday by Green Day? Surely we can do better than that.

-There wasn't a whole lot of ugly about this game to be honest, well, not enough ugly for me to go on a rant about, so that's about it.

Until next time!

Canucks look to fly past Wings #Tsntitle

This is the only picture I like of a Detroit player. Hasek = Legend. It was either that, or I put up a picture of the city of Detroit. And let's face it, its Friday, nobody wants to start their weekend with that.

Detroit wins! Detroit wins! Oh how I remember Bob Cole saying that back in the 90's. Back when I used to laugh and applaud Detroits victories. But something funny happened over the years. Detroit kept winning. And winning. And winning some more. Soon they won so much that they became the standard for winning amongst NHL clubs. All you heard was "We want to be like Detroit, we want to be more like Detroit". You heard this from fans. You heard this from the media. You even heard it from the management of the teams themselves. Detroit set the bar for winning in the NHL.

It was a far cry from the early 90's. Back then, they were like the Sharks are now. Regular season beasts who looked amazing during 82 games, but once playoff time came, they found any possible way to lose. You enjoyed watching them because they didn't make you feel bad about your team because at the end of the day you could just go "Oh well, they'll choke in the playoffs like usual."

Remember Osgood choking against San Jose in the 93-94 playoffs? Or if you're too young for that, remember googling Osgood's name and seeing how he lost in 93-94?

Osgood went out of his net and gave the puck away along the boards. San Jose scored. San Jose won the series in 7 games. Interesting to note, this picture was taken from a screen cap for the top 10 worst playoff goals ever.Guess who was number one? Come on. You know the answer. Dan Cloutier. Yep. Dan Cloutier.

Back in the day, Detroit was harmless. But somewhere along the way, they grew up, and decided to win the cup. Several times. Repeatedly. They made that step we wait for Vancouver to make every year. The one Chicago made last year. You know the step, right? The one where the team implodes during the playoffs but next year, vowing never to make that mistake again, they come flying out of the gates in the playoffs and make a respectable run for the cup? Yeah. That one.

But like I said, Detroit kept winning. And the thing is, when teams do that? They should be easy to hate. It should be really really easy to find things to dislike about them. A team that plays that well over a 10 year period, where they enter into the infamous "Dynasty" discussion, you will usally have the fans that LOVE them (mostly because they win and some people find it easier to follow a winner. Less chance of heart disease or stroke) and you have the fans that hate them and can't wait to see the champ taken down a peg. A whole peg.

"I've been taken down a peg... A whole peg!"



New England Patriots? Easy. Cheaters. They video tape your practices. Their coach is unlikeable. They can play a boring style of football.

New Jersey Devils? The trap. Trap trap trap. They ruined hockey.

Dallas Cowboys from the 90's? I'm sick of hearing about America's team. Over rated. Barry Sanders is better than Emmitt. Irvin is a coke head. Aikman has no flair.

Tiger Woods. He sleeps with random women. He gets hit in the face with golf clubs.

Winnipeg Jets. Ha. Just kidding.

It's very easy to find things to hate about winners. But with Detroit, it was always kind of hard. Their tough guys played the game right. Their stars played the game with respect and class. Their goalies were really bad so that would allow you to beat them on occasion. They were basically perfect hosts. When they beat you, you didn't mutter to yourself about cheating or a-holes or this and that. You usually ended up saying "Damnit I wish our team was more like Detroit."

Even their fans are decent. Sure you'll run into an occasional Detroit fan that no longer owns a house and loves to throw it in your face about how good their team is ("OSGOOD BELONGS IN THE HALL OF FAME BRAH, HE'S BETTER THAN ANY GOALIE YOU'VE EVER HAD. STEVIE YYYYYYYYYYYY. Can I borrow a dollar?"), but on the whole, their fans are pretty laid back. Could you imagine if Toronto had their team? I am pretty sure BC would have to seperate from Canada at that point to get away from the explosion of ego that would occur.

So overall, Detroit makes it hard to hate them. I try everyday, but man, Henrik Zetterberg is just so smooth out there. Pavel Datsyuk, while looking like he could be a serial killer in his off time, is an amazing two way player. Lidstrom, one of the best d-men to ever play the game. Stevie Y beat us on one leg, putting in the kind of performance we saw from Linden in 94, how can you not respect that?

Seriously, he looks like he just murdered somone and is thoughtfully pondering if he took enough time exploring the victims soul.



So while some may be counting down the days that Detroits age finally catches up to them (And I won't lie, I enjoy watching them lose in the playoffs occasionally), I will raise my glass and give a toast to the Wings for being a team I wanted the Canucks to be for so many years, and for them not rubbing it in our faces how much better they are then us.

And I still stand by my statement that if Osgood gets near the Hall of Fame, I will vomit several times.

Keys to The Game:

-Edler has become the backbone of this defence. He logs more minutes than any Canuck, and he is playing amazing. Has to remain consistent as we rely heavily upon him. He has kind of stalled in his development the last couple of years in my opinion, as he hasn't really made a leap forward like he did in his rookie years, but if he can keep up his consistency like he has so far, he will finally be closer to grabbing that official "#1 NHL d-man" we've all been waiting for him to do. (Number #1 d-man on a team, not the NHL, mind you)

-Goaltending. Rollie Melanson seems to have had a great positive effect on the Canucks, so it's nice to see some stability on our backend, regardless of who starts the game. I am interested to see how Luongo and the team handle the challenge of the Red Wings. Luongo needs to not flop and stick to his deep in the crease net play!

-Hank and Dank need to continue to provide the bulk of our offence, whether it's the powerplay or not. They have been magical so far, so now it will be fun to see if they raise their games agains the Wings

-Burrows has to get in game shape. He started off strong but so far hasn't found his groove yet, but that is to be expected

-Samuelsson. Wake the F*** up buddy. This guy only seems to play hard when he's challenged, but it gets a bit worrisome that it always seems to take a kick in the pants to get him going. Regardless, he needs to get it going as he is the weakest part of the 2nd line. Kesler was a beast last game, but Raymond seems stuck in speed racer mode, and Sammy, well, Sammy just looks like he is playing for  Canucks alumni already.

-Torres, Manny and.....Janny? 3rd line has been amazing. Keep up the good work!

-Ballard, get more ice time! More! More more more!

-I want to see the showdown of Kesler vs Datsyuk. I still think Kesler should have won last year, but that is based purely on blatant homerism. It seems Kesler is playing with a bit of an edge these days, so I hope he can piss a few of the Wings off.

-Fourth line as usual needs to stay off the ice.

Alright, see you at gametime!

Joe Thornton Suspended 2 games for hitting

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=339982

As first nocticed by myself when I refreshed TSN, apparently Joe Thornton has been suspended 2 games for daring to hit another player.

I for one am glad the NHL is standing up for the players who keep their heads down on the ice, who look behind them waiting for a pass, or stare into the corner trying to get a glimpse of the hot girl in the red low cut shirt.

For too long these type of players have been taken advantage of by annoying hockey players who somehow think it is 'fun' or 'good hockey' to lay out a player who isn't paying attention to the action on the ice. With todays suspension, the league is telling us that "YES! The bad hockey players who are weak and not very aware of what is occuring around them" can still have a career. It's about time the Harold Druken's, the Josh Holden's, and the Nathan Smith's of the world get a chance to play hockey without fear of being hit. Alex Daigle, come back to us! You don't have to worry about mean big old d-men hitting you!

Forget the fact that the new no interference rules let forwards have cart blanche to ram d-men into the boards which is probably a bigger cause of head injuries. Forget the fact that the games are called so inconsistently that it's impossible to gage what is a legal hit and what isn't. All that matters is that we react to any hit that looks bad when it's showed on ESPN.

So let's all celebrate the dawn of a new Era in the NHL. The dawn of an era we can only hope the NFL soon follows when they convert to flag football. NHL braintrust, I salute you.

Canucks slide by Avalanche #TSNtitle

Canucks win! Canucks win!

This is one of those odd nights where I don't have much to complain about. In fact, I have to struggle to come up with a selection from my "Ugly" part of the game, which means there probably isn't anything that was wrong with the game. This leaves me in a bit of a bind as to what to write about. I can't write anything TOO good about the Canucks or else the hockey gods will percieve that as smugness, and they will strike me down rather quickly.

So I will take this time to tell you all a little story.

I have met several Canucks over the years. I met Trevor Linden when I was young.

I use this picture because a) i don't have a picture from back in the day when I would have met him and b) I couldn't get a picture with him on this day because their was literally a giant crowd in front of him, so no one could really get near him.

Trevor Linden: *grunt*

Young me: Gosh sir, could you please sign my card???

TL: *grunt* *swipe* *sign*

Young me: Gee whillickers! Thanks sir! *prances off merrily*

I met Roberto Luongo several times.

We both look thrilled, I know. Maybe I shouldn't have given him those tips on how to stop breakaways.

Me: They should let you have a C on your jersey

RL: *grunt* it'd be nice

Me: I'm really excited to see you play for us, I'm glad the Canucks picked you up

RL: *grunt* yep. exciting.*

And I met Ohlund several times back when I worked at Blockbuster video.

Mattias Ohlund. No, he did not try and sleep with me.

Me: Hey man, great game last night. I picked you for my pool, so you have to play well this year!

Ohlund: Oh no. No no no. That was not a good idea.

Me: Oh come on, you get lots of points.

Ohlund: No no no. You should have chosen Jovo.

Aside from a lot of grunting (And Ohlunds brutal honesty), these interactions were mostly pleasant in nature, rife with small talk, and a tinged with a slight awkwardness as we both struggled to get through our interactions together with the least amount of weirdness of knowing that we were both grown men, yet one of us got paid millions of dollars, while the other one rented out videos.

And that is how most of my interactions with players would go. Small talk, lame joke, and move on.

Why am I telling you this? I tell you this because I don't 'hate' any player. I may rail on them, or scream about them, but I don't really hate any player.

Dan Cloutier, however, is the one guy I could see pushing those boundaries. As a player, I definately hate Dan Cloutier. I hate his style, I hate his mask, I hate his stupid face. I hate that we wasted years on this guy, trying to force him into a starting role that he was no good at. As a person, well, I don't hate him because I don't know him, but I know I definately wouldn't want to hang out with him due to my prejudice against him.

So were I to meet him, I imagine it would go like this.

This is literally the 2nd image that pops up on Google when you search Dan Cloutier. I am so proud.

 

Me: Oh hey, you're Dan Cloutier

DC: Yes I am!

Me: So.

DC: ....

Me: I have a bus to catch.

No lame joke. No small talk. I think I would just acknowledge that he is indeed a live human being, and then I would move on. I would imagine what it would feel like to push him off the sea wall into the water, or to drop him in one of those dunk tanks, but that would be the extent of it.

What is the point of all of this? The point is, I don't hate Desbiens. I have nothing against him. I fully acknowledge he is a way better hockey player than I will ever be. He has accomplished far more in hockey than I ever will. He could come out to ball hockey with me and he would probably kick my ass.

And as a person, he is probably a really good guy. A guy you could hang out with and grab a beer with.

So I don't relish in his injury on a personal level, in anyway. I generally feel bad for the guy, because his NHL career will probably be a short one. That being said, he gets to play hockey for a living, can probably carve out a nice career doing so in Europe, makes far more money than I ever will so....

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Desbiens broke his hand and is out of the lineup. Thank the freaking gods, there is a chance we might have a serviceable fourth line! YES! YES! YES! YES WE CAN!

BYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Woo!

Anyways, as you can see, Desbiens broke his hand in a fight last night. First off, I know, you're shocked he even managed to get into a fight. But yes, he did, and he decided that punching a helmet would prove some sort of moral point to Cody McLeod, which in the end only broke his hand. So Desbiens is forced out of the lineup for a bit.

For the record, that makes it Bolduc and now Desbiens that are gone, while Brendan Morrison still remains one of, if not the best, Flames this season. Just saying.

With that, we go to the Good the Bad and the Ugly of last nights game.

Best Ninja Turtle Ever

The Good

-Schneider. My god, this kid looks really good right now. In the past couple of years, he has looked shaky and inconsistent. But this year? Solid as a rock. So solid that you kind of want to throw him to the wolves against a Chicago type team to see how well he does. He is playing so well it makes you think for a quick second "Wait, what if we trade Luongo instead...." before you realize that's crazy talk and that you're getting ahead of yourself. Regardless, Schneider looks awesome. I don't know if this is a case of Schneider simply maturing (Schneider's calm demeanour has stayed with him at all levels of play), if it's a case of Rollie Melanson helping improve his game, or if it's simply the case of bringing a kid along slowly (Something we don't really understand or see much of in Vancouver) thus allowing a kid to achieve his true potential. Maybe it's all of the above? Either way, it's fun to have a backup goalie you want to see play in net instead of cringing everytime you hear Luongo isn't starting. Bob Essensa was the last backup goalie that I felt this way about. Anyways, Schneider only let in one goal, absolutely stoned Matt Duchene on a breakaway (he made it look oh so easy), and basically looked like a legit NHL starting goalie. He is going to break our hearts playing for another team one day.

-Sedins. I have a feeling the Sedins will be in the 'Good' category all year long. Henrik had a sweet goal where he banked the puck in off Budaj from behind the net. That has happened to me in real life. Most notably and often by my friend Kelly. I hate it when that happens. I feel for you Budaj. Forwards don't understand what an asshole move it is to bank the puck in off of the goalie. Still, Henrik and Daniel are the engine of this team right now as our 2nd line continues to struggle. Also, Kesler on the PP with the Twins is growing on me, even though I openly hated on this move earlier in the year.

-Edler is slowly turning into the Mitchell-lite that Hamhuis held briefly this year. Eating up tons of minutes and not making mistakes. I have always said the one thing that holds Edler back from being that $6 million dollar number one d-man is his consistency, and so far this year, he has looked remarkably consistent. (I still stand by my statetment that Salo, if healthy, would be our best d-man, and is, when he is playing un-injured, a $6 million dollar d-man)

-Raffi "F-ing Rights" Torres got another goal. Off of another wicked tip. Holy hell, this guy is blowing me away so far. Of course it's a hot streak, and it's bound to end sometime, but it's nice to know that if Raffi gets hot, he can lay out huge hits and be an annoying pest in front of the net. All last year we were devoid of a presence in front of the net from our bottom two lines (Oh wait, we had Bernier.....ha....ha.....sigh.), so it is very nice to see Torres fitting into that role quite nicely. At $1 million, he is one of the best value contracts in the NHL. Brendan Morrison being another. Again. Just saying.

-Desbiens. He had 2 seconds of ice time. That is perfect.

Triceratons? What the hell were they thinking.

The Bad

-As I said earlier, there wasn't a lot of bad in this game. In fact, the only really bad thing I can think of is Bieksa and Alberts paired together. It was a bit of a gong show at times. I know Bieksa is playing much better lately, but still, the brain farts, they remain. At one point Bieberts (Not to be confused with Justin Bieber fans and/or Justin Biebers parents) both screwed up and let Matt Duchesne walk in all alone on Corey Schneider. Almost cost us a goal. Bieberts needs to keep their head in the game.

-Tanner Glass. Now with Desbiens gone, Tanner Glass, step on up! Tanner "Black hole of any offence" Glass works really hard, I'll give him that. He plays as hard as he can. I just wish he had a tiny little bit of stick handling in him. If he could just manage a bit of puck control, that 4th line might be salvageable. As it stands now, Glass is basically useless with the puck, and should be avoided touching the puck at all costs. In fact, anytime he sees the puck coming towards him, he should drops his gloves immediately and fight the first person he can find. Even if its his own teammate.

Nothing against Beebop, but he is pretty ugly

The Ugly

-I only have one Ugly, and that would be the 2nd line. Once again they cannot seem to play well together. Kesler is having fun on the PP, but he cannot seem to mesh with Ray Ray and Sammy. I put a lot of the blame on Sammy, because I know Kesley and Raymond have some chemistry, it just seems Sammy is the Tanner Glass of this line. He isn't shooting from anywhere like he did last year. At the very least, last year, you could at least count on Sammy to put the puck on net. This year, he gets the puck and it just promptly dies with him. He either turns it over, or sends the puck inexplicably away from his linemates into some odd corner. Sammy needs to wake up. Hopefully that is what is holding Raymond and Kesler from meshing.

Alright, next game is Saturday, on the weekend, so god knows if I will get my game day preview up tomorrow. We shall see!

News and Notes from Around the NHL

Todays News and Notes is brought to you by Splitz Grill, a great burger place on Main Street. In Vancouver. If you are not from Vancouver then this picture is just openly mocking your inability to try out their delicious lamb burgers.

OK, so a quick update, I thought I would try and spruce things up around here a little bit. This blog will always be very Canuck heavy, as my life is sadly far too dedicated to them, but I do want to diversify my audience a bit, so I am going to try and include some posts about news from around the league, just so I can reach a broader audience. They will be quick little recaps that just give a breakdown of any of the highlights of the games from the night before, along with my pool advice (which consists of me merely saying "This guy looked good last night, you should pick him up). I did this for the playoffs last year and it was popular, so I thought I would do a small version for the regular season (I will save the really good stuff for the playoff recaps, though).

Don't worry, the Canucks will always have tons of posts where I scream and yell about them, but I just want to make sure I have other things to write about other than me praying and wishing that Desbiens is out of the lineup.

I have also tried to enlist a friend of mine to drop in and do a guest blog article once in a while so I can try and get some more stories on here that aren't all done with my style of humor. All about getting more diverse. What a good person I am. So look forward to that coming soon. If you happen to be a friend of mine in real life and want to do an article, please let me know, I'd love to post more content. You have to be one of my funny friends though. I really hope you know if you're funny or not, otherwise there will be an awkward conversation down the road when you submit an article.....I kid, I kid.

And with that, we're off!

I will never post this picture again. Ever. I in fact vomitted three times just trying to post this picture. I just want people to know why I wish nothing but bad things upon the entire New York franchise, and any sports team that is based in New York.

Flyers 4 Rangers 1

Oh New York, how I hate you. Why you ask? Because of 1994. And also because I googled "sad Rangers fan" for a picture for this recap and I accidentally googled it in the tab I was writing my blog in and erased all of my writing. Arg.

Anyways, Chris "Oh wait, if you retire it counts against the cap because you were 35 when we signed you? Oh s***" Pronger continues to avoid being an anchor to his team as his good play continues, as he got a goal last night and ate up 20 minutes of ice time. Bobrovsky, the goalie you've never heard of, is now 7-2, so assuming you're in a pool with idiots, he should still be available. Also, Claude Giroux is easily replacing the offence lost with the Gagne trade as he now has 14 points in 13 games, proving once again that a french canadian player can be easily replaced with another french canadian player and no one is the wiser.

As for the Rangers, well all you need to know about their game is that Derek Boogard ended up getting 6 minutes of icetime. Anytime this man gets more than 2 minutes of ice time, you're doing it wrong. $1.6 million dollars for him to beat people up. He is paid better than professional UFC fighters. For 30 seconds of work.

The Rangers will continue to struggle until Marion "Oh god, don't touch me, please don't touch me, oh god, you touched me, I'm out 3 months" Gaborik returns. Until then, revel in the offensive black hole that is the New York Rangers.

'Greatness' a poster on the HF Boards took this picture of the Columbus vs Atlanta game. Atlanta gets less than 10,000 people a game now. Winnipeg is crying right now.

Columbus 3 vs Atlanta Blackhawks 0

Mathieu "Remember me? I still play in the NHL. No, seriously, I do." Garon gets the shutout as Atlanta's high powered offence gets shut down early in the season. Luckily for Atlanta most of the people in the audience assumed they were at a Comicon, so no one noticed the loss. Without Ilya around, not only are the brides free of their duties to Ilya, but apparently nobody wants to watch hockey without him, either, which is kind of sad, because Atlanta has a really good young team there. Half of them are Chicago Blackhawks (Mental note: Good off-season strategy is to try and trade for every player from last seasons Stanley Cup winner), but still, a good future is ahead of that team nonetheless.

Highlights of this game is the fact Derek Brassard, finally freed from being a hockey pool player of mine, is now allowed to get points again, as he notched 2 points last night. I convinced 3 people last year to pick this guy up and he was awful last year. Damn you Derek. Damn you.

Strangely enough Bfugylien is still on defence on Atlanta, and logged the most minutes for them, annoyingly proving how versatile he is. The dude has a rocket of a shot, can play defence, and if need be, can be the world's biggest bitch in front of your net if he converts to a forward. He is like a really annoying Transformer, changing up on you left and right. Basically he is any Transformer Michael Bay came up with.

Pretty much the only thing the Islanders have going for them right now. Craig Anderson will probably read my blog now. Hi Craig.

Ottawa 4 vs Islanders 1

This is basically a huge success story for the Islanders as they didn't give up 5 goals in this game. They've cut it down to 4 goals. Grats!

Basically life on the Island is the same as usual. Bad hockey, injuries, and more bad hockey. The best contract in hockey Rick "Wait, you're offering me a 15 year deal? Holy hell" Dipietro did not play tonight. Why you ask? Because of this. If you have children, you might want to avert their eyes.

Wins: 2 Loss: 3 GAA: 4.21 Save %: .854

Ricky D is not having a good year. Why?

Rick. You're doing it wrong.

Anyways, Spezza decided to win the game by himself as he was in on all 4 goals. Go Jason go! All those years of the Sens trying to teach you defense paid off!

I found this via google on a website called blades of funny.com. Well played good sirs, well played.

Sharks 0 vs Blues 2

Halak. Halak Halak Halak. Why is he in the West? Why must I put up with him? Why did Montreal trade him to the West? Stupid Montreal.

Halak is off to an amazing start, as he gets his 3rd shutout of the year, this time shutting down the high powered, but amazingly mediocre looking, San Jose Sharks. The highlights of this game aside from Halak shutting down the Sharks was the fact that Heatley destroyed Backes from behind into the boards, and the fact that body checking is now apparently illegal in hockey as Joe Thornton laid out Perron as Thornton came out of the penalty box. It was a clean hit. It was with his shoulder. If you're a Canuck fan, it was basically the exact hit Mitchell laid out on Toews last year.

But nope, it was deemed illegal and now Thornton has to face Colin Campbell for disciplinary actions. The one time Thornton uses his size and the league cracks down on him. Lame. Very lame.

Once Joe was kicked out, it was basically Halak's game to win, and he did that easily.

I will use simpsons pictures whenever I can, damnit. It's my right.

Vancouver vs Colorado

This will be covered in a main post later

Barry "The Mullet" Melrose. The man who thought Stamkos wasn't ready for the NHL. And you wonder why his only good coaching gig was back when he had Gretzky in his prime. I am amazed he didn't try and bench Gretzky.

Lightning 0 vs Kings 1

From afar, this game looks rather bland and boring. However, when you have Steve Downie being Steve Downie, it at least guarantees some interesting highlights. While the score was lame, the game was kind of fun, as Willie Mitchell even threw down the gloves as he took on Downie in a fight. Not the best fight, but Mitchell won the fight. Downie tried to sell around 37 hits from behind for penalties, but it didn't work out too well. Following the theme of the night, Ohlund absolutely creamed Dustin Brown into the boards from behind, and I mean he plowed him like he was picking up a girl from the Roxy and he just got her into the bathroom stall. Just nailed him. He got 5 minutues for boarding for that one.

Wille Mitchell continues to make me cry that we didn't keep him, as he currently leads the league in PK minutes, and has not missed a game, and is a rock defensively. Sigh. Mitchell. We miss you.

Anyways, the Kings win, which we don't want, so boo to that. Eastern teams need to learn how to beat the West.

And that's a wrap!

Game Day Preview: Canucks look to avoid Avalanche......of goals. #TSNtitle

(I won't lie, this is what I think of everytime I think of Colorado)



When: 6pm

Where: Rogers Sportsnet Vancouver, the cool new channel I don't get.



Game day time! Long gone are the days of 5 days off between games, leaving me to struggle with website content. Now we have games every other day, leaving me struggling to come up with website content. Wait....Damnit.

Anyways, the Canucks play the Av's tonight, our old rivals from the early 2000's. You remember the early 2000's, right? A young Dan Cloutier was choking in net everynight, even though some fans assured me he would come around eventually (Yeah, you were wrong, weren't you? Jerks.) Markus Naslund was showing off a wrist shot on par with Joe Sakic, Todd Bertuzzi was still allowed to do his little push off move on the powerplay, and Brendan Morrison wasn't being kicked to the curb over some pile of crap player like Desbiens. Jovocop was going on to win a gold medal at the Olympics while Mattias Ohlund continued to pile up the ladies like a man dying of thirst in the desert would go through water. I assume Salo was injured.

(At least Ohlund has the good grace to look slightly embarressed about his riches. Though come on Ohlund, toss Salo a bone there, look at poor Sami, he has the look my friend Naben gets in his eyes)

Yes, the good old days. We had a good team, Colorado still had an ok team, but a team that wasn't as good as its late 90's teams, so we could actually win a lot of the games against them. This was a fun time. Our teams really didn't like each other. Our games had passion. Our games had anger. Our games were fun.

Then Steve Moore came along and the rivarly died just like that. No longer were either team allowed to hate each other. We had to show respect to each other for fear of another Moore incident occuring. So our rivarly died down to a pathetic shadow of its former self, leaving us with boring tedious games in its wake. Watching games between the Canucks and Av's became terrible. It was like going to prom with a girl you broke up with the week before, but you are still going to go to prom with because hell, you already paid for the limo, people already know you were going to prom together, it's probably too late to find someone else go to with, and besides, maybe if you both get drunk enough you can end up having some fun in the end.

So we suffered through these games while Colorado's old aging core got older, slower, and more injured. Gone were the Forsbergs, Sakic's, Tanguays, Roys, and Drurys. Sakic of course preferring to stick his hand in a snow blower rather than play one more year in Colorado. All that was left was a bunch of young guys, and a couple of old farts in Foote in Hejduk.

But with this renewal of youth came with it the potential for a renewed rivarly. These young guys don't know who Steve Moore is. They don't know how bad things had become between our two teams. They are fresh faced youngsters injecting new passion back into our two teams hatred for each other. Now, we are a far way away from having that hatred reach anything to the levels it used to be at, but it's a start. You always have to start somewhere. So in an effort to try and get our two teams hating each other, everytime we play the Av's, I will spotlight a player that Canuck fans will learn to hate; nay, will have to hate. Because let's face it, the games between the Av's are much better when we hate them with a passion.

So first up is Colorado Avalanche Chris Stewart.

Who is he:

Chris Stewart is a young power forward for the Colorado Avalanche. He entered the league 3 years ago, and is currently 23 years old. In his first season he only managed 19 points in 53 games, but the next year he broke out with a 64 point season. He also racks up the PIM's, as he put up 54 PIM's his first season, and 64 PIM's the next, meaning he is a power forward who plays with an edge, unlike Taylor "Please don't hit my face, my pretty pretty face" Pyatt. This year he already has 16 points in 11 games.

His scouting report says he "has great hands for a big man and plays in all situations. Stewart’s size, physicality, and soft hands, combined with excellent work ethic, make him a force to be reckoned with."

Amusingly enough, the one concern scouts had about him was that he was too fat. Todd Bertuzzi and Dustin Bfuglyien have shown that being fat, however, does not always get in your way of being a dominating power forward.

Why should we hate him?:

Why Wyatt? Why are you asking us to hate this young man? Why you ask? The answer is obvious. Jealousy. Pure jealousy. Look, in Canada, there are certain things that are always constant.

-We all know and hate that stupid Double Double Tim Hortons commercial

(Jokes on you, your dad loved you but never showed it!)



-Any of the other 5 canadian teams could win the cup, and somehow, someway, the Toronto Maple Leafs choosing not to qualify their 4th line center would be the first news story on TSN.

(Breaking News: Brian Burke trades 5th round draft pick for 7th round draft pick and a new tie)

-Basketball was invented by a Canadian yet only 5% of the US know this. We are fine with this, we have hockey. And a quick historic tidbit for you guys, so you don't say I never teach you anything, here is why basketball was invented (Thank you Wiki):

("I just wanted a place to store my balls so the children couldn't reach them. God I hate children." James Naismith, inventor of basketball, noted Canadian, and child hater)

At Springfield YMCA, Naismith struggled with a rowdy class which was confined to indoor games throughout the harsh New England winter and thus was perpetually short-tempered. Under orders from Dr. Luther Gulick, head of Springfield YMCA Physical Education, Naismith was given 14 days to create an indoor game that would provide an "athletic distraction": Gulick demanded that it would not take up much room, could help its track athletes to keep in shape and explicitly emphasized to "make it fair for all players and not too rough

This is why basketball fights often look like two 5 year old girls trying to slap each other. It's because the players are respecting the roots of the game. Not because basketball players don't know how to fight.

(Alex Semin sadly has no such excuse for his "Donkey Kong" approach to fighting)

- Lastly, every hockey fan is in love with the idea of the big, bruising, power forward that can do it all. The Cam Neely. The Brendan Shanahan. The Todd Bertuzzi (For the two years he was good). As hockey fans, we all love the idea of the guy that can dangle the puck, score some nice goals, can put up 100 points in a season, and can lay out the other team with huge hits. It's the Holy Grail of hockey players for many of us. We just love it.

 

So basically, the Av's look like they have such a player on their hands. Well, screw you Colorado. We got teased with Bertuzzi and we really screwed up with Neely, and Linden, god bless him, he wasn't a power forward. We've been looking left and right for our power forward and we still don't have one. (Noted midgets Jordan Schroeder and Cody Hodgson are our best prospects. They are both under 6"0.)

 

So if you've got your power forward, you can bite me. I will soundly boo him everytime he plays us out of spite and jealously, and I ask my fellow Canuck fans to do the same.

 

Keys to the Game:

 

-Win?

 

-Don't let the Av's speed kill our defence. Ballard should help with this, assuming he gets more than 14 minutes in the game.

 

-Don't play the 4th line. Ever. I really really hate Desbiens. Our 4th line has been on for 0 goals for and 3 goals against. In limited action. Even in limited action they suck. They might actually be worse than last years fourth line. Holy hell. Schaefer is the only useful player on that line right now.

 

-Sammy, wake up. Why is the key to every game so far this year involve Samuelsson having to wake up? Geezus.

 

-Third line, keep doing your thing

 

-Sedins, keep doing your thing

 

-Seriously, don't let Desbiens on the ice.