Game Day Preview: Canucks look to avoid Avalanche......of goals. #TSNtitle

(I won't lie, this is what I think of everytime I think of Colorado)



When: 6pm

Where: Rogers Sportsnet Vancouver, the cool new channel I don't get.



Game day time! Long gone are the days of 5 days off between games, leaving me to struggle with website content. Now we have games every other day, leaving me struggling to come up with website content. Wait....Damnit.

Anyways, the Canucks play the Av's tonight, our old rivals from the early 2000's. You remember the early 2000's, right? A young Dan Cloutier was choking in net everynight, even though some fans assured me he would come around eventually (Yeah, you were wrong, weren't you? Jerks.) Markus Naslund was showing off a wrist shot on par with Joe Sakic, Todd Bertuzzi was still allowed to do his little push off move on the powerplay, and Brendan Morrison wasn't being kicked to the curb over some pile of crap player like Desbiens. Jovocop was going on to win a gold medal at the Olympics while Mattias Ohlund continued to pile up the ladies like a man dying of thirst in the desert would go through water. I assume Salo was injured.

(At least Ohlund has the good grace to look slightly embarressed about his riches. Though come on Ohlund, toss Salo a bone there, look at poor Sami, he has the look my friend Naben gets in his eyes)

Yes, the good old days. We had a good team, Colorado still had an ok team, but a team that wasn't as good as its late 90's teams, so we could actually win a lot of the games against them. This was a fun time. Our teams really didn't like each other. Our games had passion. Our games had anger. Our games were fun.

Then Steve Moore came along and the rivarly died just like that. No longer were either team allowed to hate each other. We had to show respect to each other for fear of another Moore incident occuring. So our rivarly died down to a pathetic shadow of its former self, leaving us with boring tedious games in its wake. Watching games between the Canucks and Av's became terrible. It was like going to prom with a girl you broke up with the week before, but you are still going to go to prom with because hell, you already paid for the limo, people already know you were going to prom together, it's probably too late to find someone else go to with, and besides, maybe if you both get drunk enough you can end up having some fun in the end.

So we suffered through these games while Colorado's old aging core got older, slower, and more injured. Gone were the Forsbergs, Sakic's, Tanguays, Roys, and Drurys. Sakic of course preferring to stick his hand in a snow blower rather than play one more year in Colorado. All that was left was a bunch of young guys, and a couple of old farts in Foote in Hejduk.

But with this renewal of youth came with it the potential for a renewed rivarly. These young guys don't know who Steve Moore is. They don't know how bad things had become between our two teams. They are fresh faced youngsters injecting new passion back into our two teams hatred for each other. Now, we are a far way away from having that hatred reach anything to the levels it used to be at, but it's a start. You always have to start somewhere. So in an effort to try and get our two teams hating each other, everytime we play the Av's, I will spotlight a player that Canuck fans will learn to hate; nay, will have to hate. Because let's face it, the games between the Av's are much better when we hate them with a passion.

So first up is Colorado Avalanche Chris Stewart.

Who is he:

Chris Stewart is a young power forward for the Colorado Avalanche. He entered the league 3 years ago, and is currently 23 years old. In his first season he only managed 19 points in 53 games, but the next year he broke out with a 64 point season. He also racks up the PIM's, as he put up 54 PIM's his first season, and 64 PIM's the next, meaning he is a power forward who plays with an edge, unlike Taylor "Please don't hit my face, my pretty pretty face" Pyatt. This year he already has 16 points in 11 games.

His scouting report says he "has great hands for a big man and plays in all situations. Stewart’s size, physicality, and soft hands, combined with excellent work ethic, make him a force to be reckoned with."

Amusingly enough, the one concern scouts had about him was that he was too fat. Todd Bertuzzi and Dustin Bfuglyien have shown that being fat, however, does not always get in your way of being a dominating power forward.

Why should we hate him?:

Why Wyatt? Why are you asking us to hate this young man? Why you ask? The answer is obvious. Jealousy. Pure jealousy. Look, in Canada, there are certain things that are always constant.

-We all know and hate that stupid Double Double Tim Hortons commercial

(Jokes on you, your dad loved you but never showed it!)



-Any of the other 5 canadian teams could win the cup, and somehow, someway, the Toronto Maple Leafs choosing not to qualify their 4th line center would be the first news story on TSN.

(Breaking News: Brian Burke trades 5th round draft pick for 7th round draft pick and a new tie)

-Basketball was invented by a Canadian yet only 5% of the US know this. We are fine with this, we have hockey. And a quick historic tidbit for you guys, so you don't say I never teach you anything, here is why basketball was invented (Thank you Wiki):

("I just wanted a place to store my balls so the children couldn't reach them. God I hate children." James Naismith, inventor of basketball, noted Canadian, and child hater)

At Springfield YMCA, Naismith struggled with a rowdy class which was confined to indoor games throughout the harsh New England winter and thus was perpetually short-tempered. Under orders from Dr. Luther Gulick, head of Springfield YMCA Physical Education, Naismith was given 14 days to create an indoor game that would provide an "athletic distraction": Gulick demanded that it would not take up much room, could help its track athletes to keep in shape and explicitly emphasized to "make it fair for all players and not too rough

This is why basketball fights often look like two 5 year old girls trying to slap each other. It's because the players are respecting the roots of the game. Not because basketball players don't know how to fight.

(Alex Semin sadly has no such excuse for his "Donkey Kong" approach to fighting)

- Lastly, every hockey fan is in love with the idea of the big, bruising, power forward that can do it all. The Cam Neely. The Brendan Shanahan. The Todd Bertuzzi (For the two years he was good). As hockey fans, we all love the idea of the guy that can dangle the puck, score some nice goals, can put up 100 points in a season, and can lay out the other team with huge hits. It's the Holy Grail of hockey players for many of us. We just love it.

 

So basically, the Av's look like they have such a player on their hands. Well, screw you Colorado. We got teased with Bertuzzi and we really screwed up with Neely, and Linden, god bless him, he wasn't a power forward. We've been looking left and right for our power forward and we still don't have one. (Noted midgets Jordan Schroeder and Cody Hodgson are our best prospects. They are both under 6"0.)

 

So if you've got your power forward, you can bite me. I will soundly boo him everytime he plays us out of spite and jealously, and I ask my fellow Canuck fans to do the same.

 

Keys to the Game:

 

-Win?

 

-Don't let the Av's speed kill our defence. Ballard should help with this, assuming he gets more than 14 minutes in the game.

 

-Don't play the 4th line. Ever. I really really hate Desbiens. Our 4th line has been on for 0 goals for and 3 goals against. In limited action. Even in limited action they suck. They might actually be worse than last years fourth line. Holy hell. Schaefer is the only useful player on that line right now.

 

-Sammy, wake up. Why is the key to every game so far this year involve Samuelsson having to wake up? Geezus.

 

-Third line, keep doing your thing

 

-Sedins, keep doing your thing

 

-Seriously, don't let Desbiens on the ice.