(Torres showing off his 'O' face)
This picture is why we hated Raffi Torres for so many years in Vancouver. He has the kind of face you just really really want to punch because he looks so annoying when he scores a goal against your team. For around 5 years we had to watch Torres kill the Canucks night after night, scoring goal after goal against us, screaming "Fucking Rights!" after he got his goal, and pumping his arms up and down like spastic marching band member. Granted, he was scoring the goals on Dan Cloutier, which isn't exactly brain surgery, making it easy for anyone to become a so called 'Canuck Killer' (I think Richard Park was a Canuck killer at one point when Cloutier was in net), but the point remains, Torres has a face you just love to hate.
So it was with happiness that I openly embraced the signing of Raffi Torres in the off-season. Not only were we getting a former 20 goal scorer (He once got 27 goals in a season, not too shabby), not only were we getting a guy who likes to land those borderline illegal body checks (Colby Armstrong style), but we were getting a player that other teams would just absolutely hate to see score on them. Which quite frankly, this team needs more of. Look, I think Henrik is a fine captain, and Edler is a great d-man, Daniel is obviously an inferior version of Henrik, but like the movie Twins taught me, one of the twins has to get the good DNA, so Daniel happened to be the one that lost out, nothing he can do about it. Those guys are great players. But they don't annoy the other team in a way that makes me giggle like a little school girl.
Remember the WCE days? Man, people hated us. Todd Bertuzzi, the King of Surly Looks, the fans from other teams just hated him. A guy like that who scores highlights reel goals on you, can crush you into the boards (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-oz4l35VVg), and chews tobacco? He just drove people nuts, even if most of the time it was out of jealousy. Then we had Matt "The Turtle" Cooke who would throw huge hits and run away screaming the minute anyone tried to fight him. We had Jarkko Ruutu, who would literally bite, scratch, or claw you to get you off your game.
(You're gone now Ruutu, but never forgotten for the memory you gave us with this trip)
We had Jovocop, a guy hated by Calgary because he once bumped into Tinkerbell Kiprusoff, and was loudly boo'd everytime he touched the puck after that, and we had Ohlund, who wasn't hated, but laid out people with huge hits, which just made people generally not want to see their team play us.
But they all started to leave town, leaving us with a very very good team, but not a team that really got under peoples skin. A team that didn't make you want to gnaw your arm off if you had to see them play your team. Which is why Raffi signing here is such a good thing. Because he does this. He makes you want to put your foot through your TV screen anytime he scores a goal or lands a big hit. Which is good. Why you ask? Because Chicago has that really really f***** annoying Chelsea Dagger goal song. Which means they are currently the most annoying team to play in the NHL by far. We have to close that gap, people. That is why we lost two years in a row to Chicago. Because their fans aren't annoyed by playing us. Hell, they even view us with pity now that they've won a cup. They don't even view us as a threat, they just go "Awww, poor Canucks, they don't gots no cup. Keep trying guys, you'll get one eventually!"
F*** you Chicago. F*** you and your pity. We need to make Chicago fans hate us. We need to make them curse our name everytime they see us on the schedule. We need to make them weep tears of sorrow anytime they think we might be coming to town because Raffi "Fucking Rights" Torres might score a hat trick on them. Because it's only once we've driven their fans into a blinding rage that we will be able to overcome them in the playoffs.
Why will annoying their fans allow the Canucks to beat the Blackhawks in the playoffs? I don't know, I didn't major in science. Don't ask me stupid questions. I assume it has something to do with the Theory of Relativity. But rest assured, once we've driven them to madness, we will beat them in the playoffs.
Recap of the Game:
Aside from the Raffi Torres love-in, the game itself was actually kind of bad. It was the classic Canucks special where they give us 2 games for the price of 1. In the first game we saw a confident Canucks team come out and dominate the play, a team that made the Oilers look like the rookies they are, as our team controlled all aspects of play in the game. We had scoring chance after scoring chance, as the Oilers barely got a whiff of our net. But still, even as the Canucks dominated, all I could think to myself was "Why aren't they scoring more...." They ended up opening up a 3-0 lead thanks to a sweet PP goal by Daniel Sedin (8 goals in 10 games, go Daniel go!) and 2 by Torres (One of which involved him diving forward to the ice to smack a puck into the top of the net, one of the nicer goals I have seen this year.)
This was all fine and well but the Canucks had several grade A chances and couldn't put any more of them away. Now, Khabibulin played really well, and without him in net, it probably would have been a 6-1 blowout, but still, you could just tell if the Canucks could just somehow get that 4th goal, the game would be over. But they couldn't do it. It was at this point the game turned into the second game of the double header....
Which was "Watch the Canucks play without urgency and try and protect the lead!" which we all know and love. The Canucks failed to handle the Oilers pushback, which was going to happen, and allowed the Oilers to get all the way back into the game and tie it up at 3-3. The goals weren't particulary bad (We probably shouldn't have stared at Cogliano dangling his way through our slot before he passed it off to that traitor Brule), you can't really blame Luongo, and he played fine, but lets just say his play didn't steal us any points. Regardless, he wasn't the issue. Our shitty shitty shitty 4th line was definetaly an issue, as they were the direct cause of one of the goals (God I hate that 4th line) and our overall team effort was the issue at hand. The Oilers basically ouplayed us for 2 out of 3 periods. We were lucky we got the win.
(Ring ring ring ring....Could you get that? Oh Edmonton, it's for you....it's Hat Trick....he really wants to talk to you...)
And how did we get the win you ask? On Raffi "Fucking Rights!" Torres hat trick goal. A goal so nice, a goal so amazing, a goal so full of skill, it is already a candidate for Play of the Year, in any sport!
Raffi Torres.....backhanded the puck......from the blueline......and it floated it.
Brilliance. All jokes aside, it was a Mikael Samulesson Special (Shoot from anywhere at anytime, hell, it might go in), and good on Torres for taking the shot. Still, it was a brutal goal for Khabi to let in, which just topped off the night perfectly for me. You have an Ex-Oiler scoring a hat trick, it was the winning goal after the team had come back from a 3-0 deficit, AND it was a brutal brutal goal? Even if Raffi wasn't annoying before this, the Oiler fans must really hate him now. To top it all off? Torres absolutely steam rolled an Oiler player with about a minute left in the game and the Oilers just took it. They saw it happen and they took it. Raffi Torres broke the Oilers spririt. God bless you Raffi.
Anyways, the Canucks finally got their first road win of the season in what was kind of a bad game, but 2 points is 2 points, so we'll take it for now. The Canucks will have to get better when they play a real team, but for now, we'll take it. Now onto the Good, Bad, and Ugly of the game.
(This might be the greatest dessert ever invented. Please don't make it seasonal DQ. Please.)
The Good
-Raffi "Fucking Rights" Torres had a monster game. His addition to this team cannot be understated, as he is a potential 20 goal scorer who can land HUGE hits. Could be a potential big time player for us in the playoffs. Needs to keep playing consistently though.
-Our third line. I love Malholtra. He has been a godsend. Torres, I am excited he is on our team. Hansen, well, he is a beast on the forecheck but lacks a lot of offense right now, but for now, he is a good addition on that line (But he is a spot i wouldn't mind seeing upgraded at the deadline if a player becomes available). As much as I loved Wellwood, last years 3rd line of Wellwood, Demitra, and Bernier, it just didn't challenge other teams enough on a day to day basis. Our 3rd line is obviously on a bit of a hot streak right now, so you don't want to get carried away this early into the season, but our 3rd line looks to be one of the better 3rd lines in the league
-Bieksa got the offense going, yay! I was glad to see him wristing the puck on net instead of trying to slap the puck on net. Just get the puck on net Kevin, everything else will work itself out.
-Daniel and Henrik remain remarkably consistent, and Burrows looked pretty good out there considering the time he has missed. Burrows almost had a goal in the first period but drunken Khabibulin managed to stop him.
(Holy lord this thing is bad. By Flamethrower they mean "Cheap hot sauce poured over meat of questionable quality". Please, never buy this burger. Ever.)
The Bad
-Our 2nd line continues to play like individuals rather than a line. Raymond goes around being Mr. Speed Racer, doing laps of the rink, occasionally watching Andrew Alberts get plowed from behind, while Kesler runs around trying to score a wrist shot from the shot every single play, and Mikael Samulesson, I assume he missed the plane to Edmonton because I didn't see him once last night. Our 2nd line needs to start clicking, and I have no idea what would make it work without messing up the 3rd line, which you obviously can't do right now. A bit of a concern.
-Keith Ballard is our number 5 d-man right now. Which is odd, because he is our 5th highest paid player. Now, I understand we are moving him in slowly, he is coming off a concussion and off-season hip surgery, and I have loved what I have seen from him so far in regards to shot blocking and hip checks, but still, I won't lie, I'm a little concerned about his future role on our team. Kevin Bieksa is apparently a top 4 d-man for us no matter what, which means Bieksa, Ehrhoff, Edler, and Hamhuis are our top 4 d-men going forward, which means Ballard is highly overpaid to be a number 5 guy. This would mean less if the ice time was distributed more evenly, but last night Ballard had the least amount of ice time of any of our d-men. Like I said, they are probably moving him along slowly, and I wait for the day he gets 22 minutes of ice time a game, but I am a bit concerned.
(I just wanted to continue the DQ theme, and this thing looks nasty, so it will do. Shroomburger. Ew.)
The Ugly
- Mikael Sameulsson. You invisible jerk. Where are you man? Where you at? Stop playing around and show up for a game or two. You are adding nothing to the 2nd line. It has gotten to the point where I want them to scratch you for a game to wake you up. We know you can score, it's time to start scoring my friend.
-4th line. I am going to be on this 4th line all year until they fix it. It is just god awful. It has no hope of scoring a goal, and with last nights game, has now hurt our team more than helped it. Just a terrible terrible 4th line. I wish Glass or Desbiens would actually register a hit instead of a light little girlish shove that gets registered as a hit. If you want a slumber party pillow fight where you are SURE no one will get hurt, please invite Desbien and Glass over to your house, they are perfect for that. Also, why am I seeing Glass line up with Stortini? Geezus Debsiens, you are our 'Heavyweight' and you can't take on Stortini? Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.
-Cory Schneider. Didn't show up all game. Didn't make one save. Pathetic.
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